standing on the giant’s shoulder

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

A group of us are running.  At first it was like a Chariots of Fire kind of scene – a lot of British blokes running along the beach.  Then I see that we are all running from something.  What that something is, I do not know.

Scanning the scene, I see an opening.  For some reason it is important to look at my hand.  A light embedded in my palm is lit up. I wave it around and a door opens.  Everyone runs into the passage, but a child trips and falls.  I leave the group and run to pick up the child.  Out of the darkness come a very old police force, and I cannot recognize the uniform.

The door begins to close, so I run with the child to the door and pass it to someone on the other side.

I turn around to take my fate.

For most of my life I’ve been in love with patterns.  Not those that are plaid or tartan, but things that repeat in a way that offers a story.  And no, not like history, which is totally a pattern, but more along the lines of algorithms.

My current life has begun to shift away from patterns, and more to a place of filtering.  What information is mine, and what belongs to someone else.  I know this because of the symbols and scenarios that are happening around me.  As I firmly believe, the Universe is constantly conspiring to shower us with information, so my ears/mind/spirit have been perked up a little more than usual.

As I type this, there is a documentary on the Nephilim playing in the background.  This reminds me that it has been quite a long time since I’ve sat and read all the major Holy books.  And, yes, I’ve read them all.  It takes quite a bit of time to do something like that, and it can open up your mind in a way that really makes no sense.

What this will also mean is a lot of quiet time, especially from social media.  Not from writing here, but limited interaction with distractions.

life is not a quest
it is but a walking tour
wear comfortable shoes

All my love to you and yours,
~ Kim

the storyteller’s lament

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

It feels as if I’m in a cave.  All around me are crystals, and a mysterious light is casting shadows on the wall. The only sound is that of my heart.

“How often when we are comfortable, we begin to long for something new! ”
― Jacob Grimm

matthew 6 gives you a call. do you answer?

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

They are far away.  For some reason it feels as if both of them are in a room.  It is not pleasant for them, and they are both crying for me. [In my lucidity I think: “These types of dreams and fears never came with my first two.  I knew that they were never going to be alone.  As the Summer wore on, it was obvious that these dreams were somewhat like portents.  While there was not a physical distance, both of them endured (and are still enduring) tons of medical/psychological issues.  That makes us all feel disconnected.”]

Finally, I find them both.  They have survived.  What they “survived” is unknown.

They both tell me how they could feel me there, with them, at all times.  “It is just like you said, Mommy, with the Spirit and the Angels always there with us. Even when we were hurt or scared.”

The scenes flash forward.  All four children are standing on some kind of obelisk.  There is a crowd of people listening to their words.  My heart is full of love, and there are tears running down my cheeks.

Sometimes we get a most unlikely “Call.”  Not just the kind that come through the cell signals or phone lines, but of a more obscure nature.  It may be a chance meeting in an elevator with the CEO of a company where you just applied. She asks about the logo on your bag – a conversation starts.  Right before the doors open, she says to you, “There is a position open that you would love.  Call me on Monday.”  Or, maybe, it can come in the form of a “Eureka!” moment.  You know, one of those “By Jove!!! I think I’ve got it moments.”  Everything patterns into place.

But what if the Call you receive is more ethereal and spiritual?  Would you have the mindset and fortitude to answer?

Today I’ve been thinking about Matthew 6.  Yes, the Biblical Matthew, not some new band or robot name. If you read the Bible as a story, there are many great pieces of advice on how to live an authentic lifestyle.  Because, truly, what Jesus says in all his stories is this: “Be yourself.”  In fact, there are many chapters where he is apologetically himself.  A great example of this is when he says to his mates, “So I’m going up here to pray.  You guys stay awake.  It is of the utmost importance that you do this one thing for me, right now.  Got it?  Good.  Thanks, dudes!”  Jesus goes to pray, gets pretty mellow with the whole scene that is about to go down (as well as one could at this point), and walks back to find his friends sleeping.

At this point I can see Jesus make a “palm to forehead” gesture.

“GUYS!!! GUYS!!! I gave you one job.  Just one job.  And you slept.”

That is Jesus being pretty darn authentic, don’t you think?  Most folks, if they were trying really hard to be the Son of Man/God, would try to be a little nicer.  Nope.  Not Jesus.  He was not very happy.

So when we have a situation that calls us to show up in our primal and raw authenticity.  When we get that “Call” to be our highest good, how can we be more “real?”

Well wait no more my friends, they answers are in Matthew 6.
[note: you can find these same answers in the other world religious texts, as well as with indigenous cultures – Christianity is not the only tree in the forest]

One does not even have to leave the first verse to get an answer.  And if we all lived by these wise words, there would be no Facebook.  Heck, we may not even have social media at all.

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.”

Let me tell you something.  When this verse would come up in my Religion classes, it would cause sort of a gasp.  Kind of like we had all forgotten that Matthew had these sage things to say.  He even says bold things like, “No need to tell everyone how awesome you are…all you gotta do is just BE AUTHENTIC…and there will be no need for all that talking.  Not only that, but do not worry about all the stuff that everyone else is doing…or even what they will think.  Just keep being you.”

We see this same kind of thought process in the Buddha’s words: “One should not consider the faults of others, nor their doing or not doing good or bad deeds. One should consider only whether one has done or not done good or bad deeds.” (Dhammapada, Verse 50)  Roughly translated – don’t worry about everyone’s else grill, when your’s has every bug in the world glazed upon it.

when you hear the ring
you must not let the machine
answer your soul call
– ku

Today is grocery day.  I’ve got my list and some coupons.  When I get home there are prayer shawls to finish, kids to hugs, and business to attend.

Lots of authentic love to you,
– ku

you and me and the grigori

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

There is a great Cathedral shining in the distance.  If I leave the castle, it feels like many years will pass before I can walk on the marbled floors of this great Holy Place.

Walking down the hall, it feels as if my legs are very short.  My body feels as if it is waddling.  My back begins to itch, and before I can think, it feels as if my neck swings around so that my lips can rub against the skin.  This gives me pause.

Wising for a mirror, as a very long neck will not do on a Pilgrimage, my being continues to waddle down the hall.

From another room there is a great crash.  It is frightening, so I hope a little.  Then I hop once more.  Finding it quite fun, I will myself to do again…but this time my body becomes airborne.

“If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.” — Carl Sagan

“Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings,
from the wicked who do me violence,
my deadly enemies who surround me.” – Psalm 17:8-9

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

“And when you crush an apple with your teeth, say to it in your heart:
Your seeds shall live in my body,
And the buds of your tomorrow shall blossom in my heart,
And your fragrance shall be my breath,
And together we shall rejoice through all the seasons.”  ― Khalil Gibran

You are the apple of my eye,
~ ku


the ink that touched your soul

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2014

At the crossroads of life and death, one can absorb the sweetness of change.  Each bead of sweat on your brow, as you ruminate on which road to take, is a little moment of Life.

One of the first rejection letters I received as a “professional” writer stated that my writing was just “too intense for the average reader.”  The gist was that no one really wants to get an answer to their questions.  Humans prefer, according to this company, to be kept in the dark.  It was safer to have no idea what is/was going on around them.  Turning on a light would make things clear, and remove all doubt.

It was shocking to my senses to learn that the greater population does not want to KNOW.  

Before the popular scene in American Beauty of the plastic bag floating about, I would spend countless hours staring at little pieces of paper dancing in the wind.  My greatest thought was that it hurt me profoundly to think that others would see this as “trash.”  And if I were to share my findings with my comrades, they would think me daft.  “Clearly those pieces of paper are tools of the patriarchy to keep us chained to the corporations!!!”  They would roll their eyes, take along drag off their cigarettes and laugh at me when I wasn’t looking.

But I never stopped believing in the beauty of the Paper Dance.  When they would leave, I’d put on my long white robe and twirl around my apartment in order to mimic the movements.

One day the chore of being the “weird one” became too heavy for me to carry.  While out on a hike there was a paper cup sitting upside down near a tree.  Without missing a beat, my friend said, “Look, Kim, it is one of your ‘pretty paper dancers’ that just happened to show up here.”  Everyone laughed.  Each staccato note hit my eardrums like little daggers.  My heart started racing, and I was about to just freak out when something clicked inside.  It felt like a heavy metal mask was covering my face.  My breath was escaping me, and my thoughts felt like mud.

“Very funny, you all,” I said.  “It is just some trash left here by a jerk that didn’t know better.”

It was at that moment I learned that everything has feelings…even paper cups.

All the Great Masters tell us that we must become like a child to be made whole.

My guess is that this comes from actually watching children.  They can sit for hours in a stream, and not worry about tax bills or how much a new car will be.  Paper and pencil are the only tools needed to create magic and wonder.  It is not a big deal if one’s brain is too big, or not big enough – but more like can you see the Faeries and Tree Spirits?  The ghosts that adults leave with their worry and fear can be more scary than old Uncle Allen making sure all is well on this plane of existence.  “Parallel Universe” in not just a theory, but a reality.

But mostly, and truly, children are always in that ever elusive, and often over-stated, NOW.  Sure, sure, sure – they are thinking of Christmas and birthdays, but not to the point of worry.  It will come.  There is time enough.

Yesterday one of my oldest informed me that Spotify was having some kind of sale.  Only 99 cents for three months of music “at your fingertips.”  While I’ll have to cancel my subscription before the big charge comes in March, this will be some of the most glorious three months for my aural sensory needs.  With music in my ears, the world can calm; there is no worry.  I can dance like those “trashy” ecstatic candy wrappers.  My feet will be in the present moment of Holy worship.

Blessed and wonderful Thor’s day to you.  May all your dreams come true.

Love you,
~ ku

i am a spiritual peddler’s mall

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2010-2014

Image Copyright (c) Kim Upton, 2010-2014

The same Dream comes time and time again.  Walking quietly into the Marketplace, there are all these wonderful people talking and telling me about their version of the Divine.  Ahead of me there is a man that looks also like a monkey.  From time to time he seems to tear at his heart.

All around me are vibrant smells — each one pungent and alive.  Women are dancing around in clothing showered in mythical symbols.

In this Dream I’m fully alive.  My feet are bare and my heart is as open as the sky.  The man/monkey takes me into a Temple and shows me how to place a ceremonial scarf on my head.  Grabbing my hand, he sweeps me off my feet and onto a silken cushion.  I look over to him with a question in my eyes.  His finger goes to his lips.  “Shhh…”

Before me is a technicolor flurry of Beautiful things.  Weeping, my body feels pulled to join the chaos.  The Dream guide, man/monkey, gestures for me to “go ahead.”  Like a Dervish I’m dancing, dancing, dancing. Fully lucid, my own sleeping bodies jumps to and fro under the sheets.  Dream, soul, me – all in unison.

The crescendo comes, as my physical body needs to gather rest.  Water is needed from all the sweating and tears.  Pets need food, kids need their mom, and the world awaits.

This weekend it became very clear that my Being is in need of community.  Not just the kind that comes from a screen, which I’m deeply thankful for, but the kind that comes with touch.

My path is that of a mystical mutt. It is impossible to pin/pen me down to one path or way.  Jesus is cool, but so is Krishna.  The Goddess is a friend of mine, but I jive with a genderless Universe every other Saturday while cooking bread.

I leave you with this video.  For some reason this band happened to be in the background during a Very Deep Thought Process. It is my hope to see them play live in February 2015.

Love you,
~ ku