serve your masters

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

 

“What if I say I’m not like the others?
What if I say I’m not just another one of your plays?
You’re the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?”

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” – Matthew 6:24

For those of you who are not aware, this Summer, and part of Fall, was consumed with 3-5 medical appointments each week for my youngest two kiddos.  A friend pointed out this weekend that my tone of voice had the air of PTSD blowing through it.

After some thought, I realized that she was absolutely correct.  The “battle” I fought was not on any foreign shore.  None of my comrades were harmed, and all my body parts are still intact.  However, I did watch my beautiful kiddos endure test after test – with no answer in sight – at the whim of what I call the “another brick in the wall” Western Medical Model.  “Well Mrs. Upton, we don’t know what in the hell it is, but after these 17 vials of blood we know what it *is not*, so let’s get more tests done.”

From the last week in April to a final evaluation completed last week, I have been on the front lines for my kiddos.

Along with that, I’ve been working like mad to keep up with the expenses not covered by insurance.  I even wrote a letter to Amanda Palmer – the QUEEN of “asking.”  When that didn’t work I wrote to others in the industry, all the way down to the key grip and the floor sweeper.  The replies that came back were that our story was not compelling enough.  There needed to be drama, media coverage, and a lot of “well what will this do for me, really, to help you?”

Trust me when I say that my lowest points were hit in this process, and it was hard not to throw in the towel.

But, there for the Grace of the great and unknowable Mystery go I.  And there were lessons learned.  Plans changed. Destiny waiting to happen.

It is true that no one can serve two masters.  In my case I could not serve my superhuman desire to be creative while also “praying” at the altar of Modern Medicine.  One of those burdens had to be laid down.

And while I put on the good show  (smile and wave, honey, smile and wave), my entire body-mind-spirit system was shutting down.

It sucked.

Greatly.

And I screamed at the top of my lungs into the trees in my backyard.

Thrashing wildly, writhing all the pain out of my body, I wept.

Last night I had time to sit and just be.  Dear friends offered me respite to just let my human hang out a little.  Several deep cleansing breaths were taken, and as I drove home all the stars were singing rounds of “amen.”

This past 7-month journey was not what I expected–and with the ability to look back on it all last night, I can tell you that there is a lot of thanks going on in my system.  Don’t want to do it again, mind you, but there were walls that needed to come tumbling down.

Today I feel like my Self again.  Real and ready.

I love you,
~ ku

A press release!

Photo by Jinn Bug.  Ron Whitehead presents cupcakes to Annie and Kim Upton

Photo by Jinn Bug. Ron Whitehead presents cupcakes to Annie and Kim Upton

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CONTACT:  Kim Upton (removed)

Email: kim.upton@gmail.com

Shepherdsville, KY

PUBLISHED IN HEAVEN ADDS NEW TITLES

Published in Heaven has added two writers to an amazing list of authors.

Annie Upton is an emerging young author who is focused on putting out as many creative works as possible.  All of her work is magic in motion, and she is “up and coming” in the local art scene.  Her latest book, Pink and Shiny, is dedicated to her dear friends Ron and Jinn.

From her author biography: “Annie Upton is very arty.  She loves writing poetry and books.  To be happy is to just be with her family.”

Her book can be bulk ordered through Kim Upton, or as a single unit on Amazon.com.

You can schedule a signing or reading by contacting Kim Upton at (removed)

For more information on Annie’s appearances and work, please check out her Facebook page.

https://www.facebook.com/artistamupton

Kim Upton has been professionally writing and publishing for over 10 years.  Her most recent work, Blue is the Color of my Voice, is a gathering of poems written during the 2014 National Poetry Writing Month program. Along with writing, Kim is an accomplished artist who has sold over 600 pieces of original artwork around the world.  She is currently working on several projects that will include art, words, and music. For more information on Kim’s appearances, and where to find her work, please see her website: http://kimupton.com.

Blue is the Color of my Voice can be bulk ordered through Kim Upton, or as a single unit onAmazon.com.

She is also on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kimuptonart

You can contact the author via email for signings and appearances at kim.upton@gmail.com

——

 

Published in Heaven has published over 2,000 titles including works by His Holiness The Dalai Lama, President Jimmy Carter, Seamus Heaney, Jack Kerouac, David Amram, Diane di Prima, Lucien Stryk, Allen Ginsberg, John Updike, BONO, Frank Messina, Yoko Ono, Andy Warhol, Amiri Baraka, Rita Dove, Thomas Merton, Wendell Berry, Edvard Munch, William S. Burroughs, Hunter S. Thompson, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Gregory Corso, Herbert Huncke, James Laughlin, Douglas Brinkley, Lee Ranaldo, Robert Hunter, Anne Waldman, Ed Sanders, Bob Holman, Eithne Strong, Theo Dorgan, Jim Carroll, Jean Genet, Jan Kerouac, Christopher Felver, Brother Patrick Hart, Robert Lax, Olafur Gunnarsson, Michael Madsden, John Ventimiglia, Gerald Nicosia, Bragi Olafsson, Jim James, Birgitta Jonsdottir, Chief Arvol Looking Horse, Stephen Donaldson, and many many others.

 

insert obscure reference here

Photography: Kim Upton 2014 This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Photography: Kim Upton 2014
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Last night I read Tarot cards at the Filson Historical Society’s event, Fright Night.  Due to all kinds of things, it was mandatory to take some time off from public performances, teaching classes, and having clients.

Over the past few months there have been allusions to the series of chaos-soul-changing events that brought my life to a dead-stop standstill.  And oh have I longed to tell the story.  To set people right in their imaginations and conversation.  But that proves nothing.  In fact the more you have to prove yourself, the less energy you dedicate to your true path; your soul’s calling.

So today, on Halloween, I lay to rest all the stories that do not need to be told.  The Kansas Lawyer, the lights in the backyard, angry locals with their water-borne fears, and trolls who don’t seem to understand that it is hard work that gets you where you need to be.

Along with that, I make ritual space to clear out all that I’ve allowed to hold me back.

“That crazed girl improvising her music.
Her poetry, dancing upon the shore,

Her soul in division from itself
Climbing, falling She knew not where,
Hiding amid the cargo of a steamship,
Her knee-cap broken, that girl I declare
A beautiful lofty thing, or a thing
Heroically lost, heroically found.

No matter what disaster occurred
She stood in desperate music wound,
Wound, wound, and she made in her triumph
Where the bales and the baskets lay
No common intelligible sound
But sang, ‘O sea-starved, hungry sea”
― W.B. Yeats

(image by Mark Dierker)

(image by Mark Dierker)

And really, that is all I gotta say about all ‘dat! :)

If you would like to see me in person, check out the new tabs above – specifically the ones that say: appearances, classes, tarot.

All the love in the world from my heart to yours,
-ku

the secret keeper’s daughter

littlekimmandala

Kim Upton, 2014 This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

“Secrets, silent, stony sit in the dark palaces of both our hearts: secrets weary of their tyranny: tyrants willing to be dethroned.”
― James Joyce

“All families have their secrets, most people would never know them, but they know there are spaces, gaps where the answers should be, where someone should have sat, where someone used to be. A name that is never uttered, or uttered just once and never again. We all have our secrets.”
― Cecelia Ahern

The morning sun has just started to peep over the treetops.  Outside the grass looks like one million tiny stars dancing in unison.

Many years ago, during a powerful healing ritual, I connected to a phrase: “listening woman.”  Google-Land only offered me a book title by Tony Hillerman.  Years and years of research, and still nothing came up.

However, as I come to study my lineage, and meet Kin from other lands, there is a history of my women-folk doing work much like Hillerman’s character.  In fact, modern scholars refer to them as Völva. Not only did they keep secrets, they lived outside the culture doing work (and getting paid pretty well, I might add), and usually had several young understudies that went along.

Now I’m not going to glamorize that path.  Nor do I want to co-opt and ancient culture during this modern life.  My hopes are to understand this tradition and how it works in my life.  How many ancestors of mine walked in the world without worry or fear of what their life calling was?  Near as I can tell, from first-person stories written down, and “channeled” information from family members, the heritage creeping through my bones is pretty intense.

And that is important for me to know, and for me to understand. Also, it is helpful to my children and their future.

It will also help them learn about the proper use of secrets.  In my life “secrets” is not a friendly word.  Too many times the phrase, “this will be our secret” turned out to be extremely painful for me.  Along with that, it was mandatory that I keep secrets.  “We mustn’t tell anyone about this, right?”

While some of you may disagree, for me there are no good secrets.  Not even those that involve surprise birthday parties, or delicious bakery treats.  Anyone that knows me well can tell you that if you whisper to me, and then say, “it’s a secret,” everything after that is a deal breaker.

However, I will keep a confidence.  That is what I do as a Listening Woman.  People who have much heavier secrets will tell them to me in confidence, and I will find the proper resting place for the words.

For some reason this week has been “childhood flashback” week.  It could be the solar flares, the ending of Mercury Retrograde, or the upcoming All Hallows.  It is not a pleasant experience to go through old emotions, fears and thoughts.  Nor does it help me move forward when old tapes are playing in the back of my brain.

This weekend will mark the 16th birthday of my oldest children.  When they were born, I SWORE on all things holy and important to me that by the time they were 16 that I’d no longer carry any of my past into their future.

So today I release my “role” of being the secret keeper’s daughter, and step into my birthright – everyone’s birthright, really – and walk away from long gone entanglements.

And I’m very serious about that.  No more carrying.  Along with that, I won’t need to constantly remind myself that I am okay, or that things in my life have “changed for good.”

laid my burden down
into the sea of healing
fish took it away
– ku 10-30-2014

And that, my friends, is all she wrote for today. <3

All love,
– ku

Kick ‘em when they’re up, when they’re down, when they’re stiff, and all around

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Kim Upton, 2014 This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

TO SOME I HAVE TALKED WITH BY THE FIRE
by: William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

While I wrought out these fitful Danaan rhymes,
My heart would brim with dreams about the times
When we bent down above the fading coals
And talked of the dark folk who live in souls
Of passionate men, like bats in the dead trees;
And of the wayward twilight companies
Who sigh with mingled sorrow and content,
Because their blossoming dreams have never bent
Under the fruit of evil and of good:
And of the embattled flaming multitude
Who rise, wing above wing, flame above flame,
And, like a storm, cry the Ineffable Name,
And with the clashing of their sword-blades make
A rapturous music, till the morning break
And the white hush end all but the loud beat
Of their long wings, the flash of their white feet.

Come with me into the world, oh Faery child…

Not much today, for it is Wordless Wednesday. :)

a most successful book release event

Katherine Upton, 2014 This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Katherine Upton, 2014
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

The book release event went well.  I wasn’t nearly as nervous as imagined (in my noggin) during the days proceeding.  It helped that my youngest daughter, who also had her book release that day, was reading as well.

Katherine Upton, 2014 This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

Many thanks to my daughter Katherine for getting photos during the event.  It is really hard to read and photograph oneself at the same time. :)

There is more to write about the event, and news that is most awesome to share.

For now, however, it is just enough to take a deep breath and roll with a job well done.

:)

-ku